


Parental Interference (Or Tony Stark's Mission to Cockblock Wade Wilson During Xmas)

by zerotransfat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse of italics, F/M, M/M, Peter is so embarrassed by his dads, Protectiveness, Steve tries to be voice of reason, Superfamily, Tony you're being a dick, Wade is an awkward bb when meeting the dads, You're not helping, also Clint, and then DOOMBOTS, because no fic is complete without tony swearing at reed richards, but of course in the face of Tony Stark, but ofc Tony keeps trying anyway, its practically useless, to your son-in-law, totally necessary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-02 04:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2799677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zerotransfat/pseuds/zerotransfat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark knew for sure that Wade Wilson had a Dastardly Plan to corrupt his son this holiday season. Well, Deadpool won't succeed, not if he had anything to say about it. Tony Stark will do all within his power to stop Wade Wilson, up to and including building doomsday devices (just don't tell Steve).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parental Interference (Or Tony Stark's Mission to Cockblock Wade Wilson During Xmas)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bakage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakage/gifts).



> Gifted to the lovely bakage who requested Superfamily with Spideypool thrown in. I also added Clintasha(kind of?), so...Merry Christmas and Happy New Year? :D and I'm sorry if deadpool is OOC, I'm not super familiar with him.

"Steve? Have you seen where Dummy put that box labeled 'Project DWBHCMS'?" Tony asked as he pushed his goggles into his hair, making it stick up in odd ways. "He's been shuffling stuff around again, and I can't seem to find anything."

"Under the workbench, probably," Steve replied absentmindedly as he continued sketching before he fully processed what Tony said. Steve put down his sketchpad as he frowned. The designation did not sound military or SHIELD, so it was either for  Stark Industries, or...

"Tony," Steve said, "are you building a doomsday device _again?_ "

There was a very ominous pause before Tony said,"...no?"

Steve crossed his arms. " _Tony._ "

Tony also crossed his arms. " _Steve_."

"Are we going to have that discussion about responsible engineering again?" Steve quirked an eyebrow.

"I'm not building a doomsday device." At Steve's disbelieving look Tony repeated, "I'm not! There's only a point-zero-zero-zero-zero-four chance that this project can fuck up in any shape, way or form! Look, I'll even plan the colour schemes to fit the rest of the Christmas decor in the Tower. It won't end the world, I _promise._ "

"Tony, is there something you'd like to tell me? Like, for example, the full name of this project?"

"..."

" _Tony_."

"Okay, fine, fine! It stands for Project 'Destroy Wilson Before He Corrupts My Son'!" The engineer threw his hands up in surrender. "What, you know how it is! On Christmas he'll be all 'it's Christmas don't I get a kiss' --and, and!" Tony made a sort of wavy motion with the wrench in his hand. "He'll corrupt him! My son!"

"Tony, Peter is seventeen, a superhero in his own right. I'm sure he can take care of himself." Steve said. "Have some faith in him."

"Oh, I have all the faith in the world in _Peter._ It's _Wilson_ I don't trust." Tony twisted the syllables of Wade's name, making it sound like some kind of swear word.

"Tony, if Wade tries anything on Peter I'm sure he'll get what's coming to him. We trained Peter ourselves, remember? Or did you suddenly forget all those self-defense sessions?"

With a wave of his wrench and a look that clearly indicated his lack of shits to give, Tony turned to look for his doomsday device materials.

"Say what you want dear, but I'm building the damn thing to protect my son, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

* * *

 

"I can't believe he locked me out of the workshop. How does that even work?" Tony pouted. It was a most impressive pout, worthy of even perhaps Thor at his worst. "It's _my_ workshop. JARVIS, how did he lock me out of it? That's impossible."

JARVIS replied in the driest voice available to his top-of-the-line programming. "Sir, it _is_ possible, seeing as you are currently not in your workshop."

"...JARVIS, I regret ever teaching you how to sass me."

"Fortunately Sir, as an AI I do not feel that same regret."

"See! There it is again! I'm giving you to MIT the next time you snark at me, I swear to god."

"I tremble in fear, Sir."

Tony grumbled and activated a privacy protocol. He was the man who fought villains and giant transdimensional squid every other day. If he can't build a way to monitor Peter and _Wilson_ , then he'll just have to do it himself.

* * *

 

Misson 'Wade Wilson Prevention' was well underway. Tony had disguised himself with a quilted parka and baseball cap with shades and followed the two of them around Manhattan. He followed them through Central Park, and gritted his teeth as he hid behind a tree, watching them sit on a bench and talk.

"If that man makes one move, _one_ , I will wring his neck, lab or no lab," Tony growled to himself under his breath.

"Whoa, Tones, you're a sight for sore eyes. What's with the Dicaprio-esque paparazzi getaway costume?" Clint's voice came from above him, and Tony suppressed the urge to jump and swear loudly.

"Jesus, Barton, are you trying to get me caught?"he hissed. "Why in ever-loving fuck are you here?"

Clint grinned his shit-eating grin and dropped down from the branch he was perched on. He landed softly on the balls of his feet, balancing lightly. "Whyever not, Tones? I love to see young love in action." He waggled his eyebrows as Peter laughed at something Wade said. Tony could feel his blood pressure rising at the situation in general.

"And also because he enjoys watching you suffer." Natasha's voice came from another tree above them, and she landed beside Clint, nibbling at a hot pretzel.

"Wait, you two were up in the trees? How did anyone not notice you, there are no fricking leaves on the trees and it's all snowy, no wait, _why_ were you in the trees to begin with?" Tony tried to keep his voice down, with limited success.

"We're SHIELD agents, of course we hang out in trees in down-time," Clint scoffed. "Now shush, they're leaving."

Peter had gotten up from the bench and was _holding hands_ with _Wilson._ Tony's teeth felt sore from all the gritting.

"Now c'mon, if you don't want to lose them," Clint said as he dragged Natasha after the two. Tony followed, muttering death threats under his breath.

* * *

 

They tracked (read: stalked) the couple through the city.

It was totally clandestine.

(There may or may not be photos on Twitter of Tony using a hot dog truck as cover, trying to avoid being discovered.)

And if Clint will stop throwing snowballs at him Tony will appreciate it. As in, will not ruin his next batch of arrows.

The date has remained chaste so far, but Tony was watching closely while trying to remember where he had stowed the shotgun, because that was traditional.

He may be a futurist, but some things, like the shovel talk, do not change.

* * *

 

It's gotten late. Tony was freezing his dick off while Clint and Natasha somehow look unaffected.

Assholes.

Anyway, they're back at the tower, and Peter is doing the blushing date thing and generally looking super-adorable and _Wilson_ was leaning in and oh god ohgodohgod he had to stop them at all costs!

And that was when the Doombots attacked.

If nothing else, they were appropriately colored red and green and had tinsel all over, and they stopped the making out at least to fend off the robots with their various superpowers and weapons.

Tony spent the next thirty minutes swearing at Reed Richards on his HUD, because it was already an established ritual. Doombots attack. Worry about Peter. Yell at Richards. Just a regular Wednesday, except there was more tinsel today.

But then there was one Doombot that barreled out of nowhere, and none of the others were in range. He opened his mouth to scream to Peter, but at that angle it was almost impossible to get to him in time---

The flash of a katana cutting the bot in half stopped him from freaking out too much.

Huh. Maybe _Wilson_ had his uses.

* * *

 

After the battle, Steve invited Wilson to come inside the tower for hot cocoa.

Tony resisted the urge to call him out as a traitor, because _no Steve what are you doing you are NOT supposed to encourage him._

But some god out there must have been listening, because Wilson just looked extremely uncomfortable while making excuses about chimchangas and an obscene number of pancakes and 'maybe next time Mr. and Mr. Stark-Rogers'.

Steve, sensing Tony's unwelcoming aura, gave him the  _'_ Tony I'm Disappointed in You' look mixed in with the All American Welcoming Smile directed at Wilson and asked him to come in anyway and because Steve was Steve Wilson agreed.

_Traitor._

 Peter, meanwhile, was staring a hole through Tony's armor. Shit, he had forgotten about Peter's spider-senses, must have picked him up on the radar when Tony was ~~stalking~~ _protecting_ him.

That plan had seemed so much more sane this morning with seven cups of coffee freshly down his gullet. He was using words like gullet. That's how much he was not sane right now.

So he must have been insane when later, at the edges of the impromptu 'We Survived Another Year to Christmas!' party, Wilson gently kissed Peter and Tony did not get the armor with a shotgun for good measure.

"Nice to see you finally putting some trust in Wade," Steve's voice came from behind him as he hugged him. "Not going directly for the armor and shotgun?"

"Though it is violating every parental instinct I have right now, no. It _is_ Christmas. I'll give him a bit of leeway. For today only." Tony sipped at his eggnog before adding, "I'm still building the doomsday device, and you're not going to stop me."

"Oh, _Tony_." Steve said with exasperated fondness as Clint heckled the two with mistletoe.

Christmas was the season of giving. Tony'll give Wilson a few days grace before the actual shovel talk.

After that...well.

But, as Peter finally gave in and kissed Wilson under the mistletoe, Tony could feel himself smiling, just a little.

**Author's Note:**

> Arrggghhh, fighting through writing is incredibly exhausting. But hey! I got this done before new year's! :'D And if anyone noticed, Tony has finally stopped referring to Wade as _Wilson_.


End file.
